The Four Agreements

Living intentionally for me has involved catching myself before I downward spiral and stepping back and looking at a situation before I respond. Sometimes it is easier to catch ourselves when we have a touchstone. For me that has been The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

I read the book years ago. I know them by heart and I do try and live them. Some days/times easier than other. They are:

• Be impeccable with your word. For me that sometimes means keeping my mouth shut. Seriously, if we have nothing to add to the conversation – I mean positive or constructive let it go.
• Don’t make assumptions. Everyone has baggage we know nothing about. They could be having a bad day and we are just an easy target.
• Don’t take anything personally. For me this goes with above – if we are making assumptions we are often taking things personally. Unless I have really screwed up it likely isn’t all about me!
• Always do your best. This applies to any given day. So if we are ill doing your best will look different than when we are 100% and that is okay. Always do your best with what we have. Don’t set unreasonable standards.

The book will give you more detail. They have been my touchstone for years.

Forgiveness for you

A friend and I were talking about how certain individuals are naturally born caretakers. They are the people that make you feel welcomed, ask you about what is happening in your life and show an interest in what is happening around them.

You know the ones – they welcome the new girlfriends/boyfriends into the family. They keep track of people’s hobbies/trips and jobs. They make sure people’s needs are met. These are often also the individuals who once people’s needs are taken care of – the girlfriend is now the wife – they quietly slip into the background.

They are so busy taking care of others that they become dispensable once their usefulness is over. There is always someone more “worthy” of talking to in the room. After all what does this person have to offer? We usually know nothing about them as they have made sure it is all about us.

This person is good enough to talk to when you know no one else in the room but not worthy once you are with the in crowd.  They are the ones that step up and take care of situations knowing what is expected and just doing it.  Others have a life – this person’s life is service. It is what is expected of them by others (usually family).

I imagine at this point you are asking how does this relate to forgiveness.  The forgiveness comes in at the breaking point.  Life is passing you (caretaker) by and no one else is stepping up the plate to help. They are too busy. They have a life. Forgiveness is realizing you matter. Your life matters.

Trying not to let the actions or non-actions of others eat at you (hard I know).  Forgive them for not having the awareness that life doesn’t revolve around them.  Start making your life count. Saying no is hard but others have to step up to the plate.  Being a doormat is no way to live. Be strong. This is your life and some individuals will not step up unless pushed.

We all deserve a life and yes to taking care of loved ones, but not being a doormat for family members or friends.  Let them assume their responsibility.  Give them growth opportunities to do the right thing. To think of someone else besides their selves. Imagine what they are teaching their children – do we want a generation of people who think the world resolves around them?

So natural caretakers take a breathe. You have done more than your share. It is time to allow others to assume their piece of the work. Forgive yourself for wanting a life. You are more than allowed.

 FYI from experience I have gotten a bit more interesting to these individuals once I started saying no and sitting back. There might be more to her than we think?

Rolling into the next four months with Project 333

I started the year with intentionally living. Focusing on what was around me. What I wanted to accomplished in the next four month. Being intentional with how I spent my time and at the end of the four months know some major things were completed. I have less than a week left and I can say “not bad”. Now to regroup and set my intention for the next four months.

I’m always looking for book recommendations and jotting them down. I think I found Project 333 through a blog post.  I started reading the book and thought yeah this makes sense. This is a project I want to take on.

Summery of Project 333 is for three months you only wear 33 items of clothing/shoes/accessories.  This includes jewelry and pursues. What you don’t have to include is underwear, sleepwear or workout clothes. Thank goodness.  Check out the site for all the details. I read the book as I’m old school.

So what better intention to take on for the next four months than Project 333. I’m giving myself a month to get the summer clothes out, sorted and what I’m not wearing put away. The month of May can be dicey here I wouldn’t call is necessarily summer weather. Courtney Carver, author, recommends not giving your stuff away (yet!!) but getting it out of the closet and sight.

My plan is to put tops that are not part of my 33 items all in one drawer and leave them. I’m also boxing up jewelry – I have a dresser covered with items. At this point I figure maybe two sets of earrings. Nothing else as I want to make sure I have enough tops and pants. I know runners, jacket, backpack and sandals are on my list.

It doesn’t seem as daunting as it could be as only for three months. Plus I don’t have to have winter and summer clothes together as part of my 33 items. So no boots or winter coat needed. Courtney say to be flexible. Just because someone has X many pants on their list doesn’t mean you have to. The book gave winter/spring/summer/fall lists of what various people had as their 33 items. It was interesting as one person had way more jewelry and scarves than I thought you would need. She was doing her which was great and what it is all about.

Project 333 also talks about living with less. That enough is enough. When we start with our closets and challenge ourselves there to live with less (33 items), that it can trickle down to other areas. We start to realize we can live with less stuff in our homes. Stuff that is weighing us down. See my closet! I can do this. It can be the start of freeing ourselves of stuff. Less consumerism. We don’t shop as we have enough. We realize that maybe shopping was filling a void. Instant gratification anyone? That we have enough and can concentrate on what bring us joy without stress. Nature, reading, writing, crafts the list goes on.

So May I make my list, get my stuff out and put the rest away. Giving myself May as it can still be a bit cool here for capris and a t-shirt. I will keep you posted on my 33 items. If you want to join check out the website, read the book and do it. It would be great to have accountabilities partners to check in with.

Deep breath Project 333.

An update on intentional living

WOW we have rolled into March which means my quarterly intention of being intentional is half way through. So I thought an update was in order. Intentionally.

I have been trying to do things intentionally. To concentrate on projects that move me forwards. I completed an edit and note-taking on a novel. Now I have a record of what everyone is doing in each chapter and what needs to be added or deleted to move the story forward. 

Listening to a NaNoWri (National Novel Writing) podcast I came across the manuscript wish list . It has a list of editors and agents in different genres.  February was spent going through the list and selecting agents in my genre and then submitting queries. Scary but living intentionally for me is living with no (or at least less) regrets. That means not waiting for perfection, which will never happen, and taking the leap. So submitted three chapters and queries. Now just waiting to see what happens. I’m calling it collecting rejections as I consider that also a win as it shows I have tried!

I’m not saying I haven’t wasted time scrolling through social media and watching Netflix. Overall I feel good about the last two months and living intentionally. Where do I want to go and heading in that direction. Oh yes to unexpected detours some are so worth checking out, but don’t head too far down a rabbit hole that is taking you away from what you should be doing.

So half way through my four months of intentionally living. I’m interested if anyone else picked a word, project or feeling they have been working on for the last four months. See this post if you want to know more about setting an intention.

Drop a comment if you are half way through your intention for this quarter. If you need a boost let me know. I would love to brain-storm how to move forward or regroup.

 

 

Making a difference – creating space

I was lucky enough to find Tony Robbins New World Challenge.  It was a free five day live event. He had us moving and rethinking our life choices. Looking at life differently and realizing we can change our state of mind. Giving us exercises and energizing us.

He had Sara Blakely on (who created Spanx).  She said something that clicked for me. When asked what type of business people should look at creativing, she said consider something that makes you cry.  WOW that hit me.  As I automatically knew what that was. 

What makes me cry is people not being seen. People that feel alone and off to the side. This happened a few months ago when I was out for a walk at lunch time and walked by an elementary school. One little boy was at the end of the playground right at the fence. Everyone else was playing closer to the building and at least in pairs.

As I walked by he said hello. I automatically said it back and stopped long enough to look at him and said have a great day. That made me so sad as maybe I was the only one that saw him during his lunch hour. To say hi to a total stranger through a fence to me was crying for contact. I’m here. Can you see me? Acknowledge me? Yes I can.

Having had the experience growing up of not being seen, I don’t want anyone to feel that way. If I can help it. If you make eye contact with anyone – strangers included smile. Acknowledge you see them. They are not invisible.

I would like to create a space where people are seen. The world can be cold and yes that includes the internet. People feel they can say hurtful things as no one can see them or face the consequences.

Everyone deserves a place they can express themselves. To be involved in positive conversation and creativity. To add value. Seeing people not being seen. Alone. That is what makes me cry every time.  Because they might be different. They don’t fit the norm. Whatever the “norm” is at the time. That little boy sitting way off to the side saying hello to a stranger. To hear a positive voice. To have someone see him.

We can do that here and anywhere. Create a space for people to express and be seen. Let me know what you would like to discuss and see on this site. A book club? Topics of conversation? Questions you want to put out there. This is our site and we are seen.

Let’s start our conversation and place of safety. We so have this!!

Being Intentional on my own path

I finished Cait Flanders’ book Adventures in opting out. While reading it I realized I have opted out a lot already.  My biggest one was backpacking in Australia for a year after graduation instead of looking for a job. That was major for me as up until that time I had followed the course set out for me. Or at least the course society deemed appropriate.

It wasn’t until I realized I didn’t have to follow that course. That as long as I’m not hurting anyone I don’t have a course I should have to follow. Which is what Cait Flanders said also.

I read the book as I was interested in her idea of opting out.  Also the tag line is “a field guide to leading an intentional life” that caught my eye more than opting out did.  She states everyones idea of what and how to opt out is individual – so true. It was interesting as her idea of opting out has basically been what I have been thinking about for a while.  Which is slow travel and long-term.

Slow travel for Cait was staying in one place long enough to soak up the area. She stayed somewhere for six weeks. Slow travel is not to be on the go constantly.  Trying to see six country in seven days. It is to become comfortable and familiar with a place. That appeals to me. To do day trips and leave a smaller environmental footprint.

As I was reading the book I was thinking about my intention for the next four months. Which was to live intentional. I’m not sure what the future of travel will look like but I’m still interested in living somewhere else and soaking it up. To have a local coffee shop and grocery store. To be familiar with my neighbourhood.

What reading the book made clearer for me is preparing for my opting out. It had me looking around my home (which I love) and thinking if I left for X period of time what am I suppose to do with this stuff? I’m not a minimalist or a hoarder, but there is stuff I don’t use and keep because “what if”. There are dishes in high cabinets I open and never touch in years.

So I am going to start intentionally looking at my stuff. All my stuff and decide what stays and what goes. I am looking at this project as the start of my opting out adventure. With the world right now it might be a year or more before travel is back to close to normal (if every).  That is okay I’m intentionally setting myself on the right course. To free up cabinets, drawers, well space period for new things to come in. I don’t mean new stuff. I mean ideas, opportunities and possibilities. Stuff can weigh you down. If I can clear out material stuff and mental blocks I will feel lighter.

I’m thinking if I do leave home for X period of time I might have someone stay at my place. They would need space for their things. I want to easily pack things away clearing space for possibilities.

So thank you Cait and Adventures of opting out for helping me realize I have been (mostly!!) on the right path. That all my opting out in the past has led me to where I am today. Someone that is more than okay not following what society dictates is the correct path.

Is there anything you would consider opting out of? The field is wide open. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering it could be social engagement you no longer find enjoyable. Or maybe it is saying yes when you want to say no. Opting out of events that don’t speak to your soul to attend ones that do. Even if no one around you is interested.

I’m starting to intentional look at my surrounding and decide what deserves a place here. What space physically and mentally can I start freeing up. This starts today with a goodwill bag.

If you want to know more about setting an intention check out this post. .

Starting a new year and quarter

We have two days before the start of a new year. I won’t go into 2020 as no one could have predicted this year. What I do know is I want to make the most out of the coming year. I don’t expect any major changes i.e. restrictions lifted or life back to normal for at least the first half of the year.

The past few weeks I have been thinking of what my intention for the first four months of the year would be. I had a word pop into my head and I dismissed it. Seriously no that won’t work was my take. Check this post on how to set an intention. 

I looked around at projects started and my to do list. Also how did I want to feel heading into a new year? Did I want to feel more playful? Joyful? Of course I did, but those intentions didn’t resonate with me. Or to be more clear they weren’t what I felt I wanted to focus on. I kept coming back to that word I started with.

Intentional. Something done with a plan or deliberate. On purpose. It seemed to broad to me. It wasn’t a project, feeling or something I could get my head around initially. I dismissed it until I realized it was staying with me for a reason. It was pushing out everything else I tried to focus on. Intentional.

So decision is I’m not going to fight it. It is appearing for a reason. So my intention for the next four months is “intentional”. I’m going to consider every project, invitation, experience, whatever intentionally. I am not going to say yes or start a project that I have not carefully or intentionally thought about. Is this moving me forward? Will this take time away from something else that I should be working on? Am I procrastinating? What is the plan for this project – write it down.

Intentional is staying with me for a reason. I want to explore it for the next four months. If I consider everything intentionally what am I  moving towards or moving away from? Now that I’ve decided to work with intentional I’m excited. Next is to make a card with the word on it so I can see it every day.

Do you have an intention for the next four months? Check out the above post on how to go about setting one. Also there are other posts on meditation and journaling intentions that might spark some ideas.

Deep breath as we head into a new chapter intentionally for me!

 

Intentional Christmas

This year has been about making do and being flexible. The entire world has been turned on its head. So many things have been taken out of our control. Some countries are now in their second wave and back in shutdown for this pandemic. We have no control over going to work, staying home, visiting or life in general in many cases.

The rest of the year and upcoming holidays are going to happen pandemic or not. I want to at least make the most of what I can. I also want to take back some control and for me that is focusing on what I can do.  2020 will go down in history as the year we pulled together or not.

I thought I’d gain some control by focusing on what I can be doing for the holidays. I want to enjoy what I can and not be overwhelmed. That means creating a plan. Making a list and checking it twice (hmm….that sounds familiar)!  This will also give me a sense of accomplishment as I check items off my list. Again, focusing on what I can control and do during this unsettled, to say the least, time.

My list is not all encompassing. It is what I want to tackle and get done in a timely fashion. I’m including my list here in case you want a bit of focus and help to keep you on track.  The majority of items are small things we often forget until the last minute.

Drop a line in the comments if you think of anything we should be adding to the list. We can make this holiday season the best we can if we focus on what we can control and make the most of what we have around us.

We have this!

Holiday list!!

holiday-listDownload

 

Meditation Practice as an Intention

A lot of us are looking for more balance in life.  To slow down and catch our breath.  Meditation is tossed around a lot.  That we should incorporate it into our frantic life.  Where? When? How?

We often get caught up in carving out time for ourselves.  When meditation is mentioned it is often for longer periods of time then we realistic have. So we put it aside until we have more time. Which doesn’t roll around.

If our intention is to set up a meditation practice this is how I would go about it.  First give yourself grace and be flexible.  Life happens. Remember also you get to set your time-frame for your intention.  Currently I’m going with four months.

Meditation doesn’t have to be for thirty minutes to an hour.  Five minutes to start with is okay. It is five minutes we weren’t doing it before.  I would recommend to start with using a guided meditation. There are lots on YouTube.

Check out walking meditation also.  Download and head out the door.  This doesn’t have to be time consuming.  All we have to carve out of our day is five to ten minutes.  Yep that is all.  Head over to setting an intention for more information and a printout to keep track of your progress.

Don’t feel you have to meditate every day. Maybe start with 3-4 times a week.  Decide what days work for you but be flexible.  Also download guided meditations so you are ready to go when you have the time.  Have a few ready.  You want to be able to sit and hit play.  For this to work you have to make it as easy as possible so preparation is key.  Have downloads ready so no searching. When you have five minutes drop and play.

Here are a few short meditations I found searching “five minute easy meditations” on  YouTube.

5 minute guided meditation

reset and recharge meditation

5 minute guided meditation for beginners

Let me know what you think and if you find any ones that resonated with you.

Deep breath.

 

 

Journaling as an intention

People overthink journaling. We want to start journaling but never seem to find the time. Part of that is we overthink it. We’re not writing our epic life story. At most we’re writing down a feeling we had that day or answering a journaling prompt.

Also we don’t have to journal every day. It is a journal not a diary. I do think it is helpful when starting to have some journaling prompts. Lots of us look at a blank page and that is the end of it. Nothing to say. Put the journal away.

So if establishing a journaling routine is our intention lets break it down. I’m going with a four month intention time frame. Remember this is not a resolution of firmly starting or ending an action. It is fluid. An intention.

Breakdown! Exciting part.

1. Remember we are breaking it down into smaller manageable steps. That gives us a sense of moving forward when we cross an item off – no matter how small.
2. Start with purchasing a pretty journal. Something that makes you smile when you look at it. Also a nice pen. I like to write by hand.  I find my thoughts are different when using a pen and paper compared to typing on a device. If you are using a device that is fine. First item crossed off your list! Remember to set a deadline to purchase your journal. Say within the first two weeks.
3. Head to PInterest or wherever and find some journaling prompts. Again set a deadline and have fun here. Yes, I know it is easy to go down other rabbit holes on Pinterest especially with crafts and holidays coming up. That is okay but remember the prompts first and than the rabbit holes.
4. Write them in your journal – maybe the back pages to refer to later. We want to have prompts for when we feel we have nothing to write about.
5. I don’t recommend setting specific dates for your journaling like Monday, Wednesday and Friday. What works for me is X many times a week. That way if Monday is shot Tuesday is okay or even Thursday. As along as you do the set amount of times you committed to. You might have to journal two or three days in a row. That is okay.
6. Be gentle and give yourself grace. Life happens. Remember you don’t have to write an epic entry. It can be a sentence or two. I felt like……when this happened. Or a funny thing someone said that day. Not all journaling has to be serious. Also remember you have your prompts at the back to refer to if stuck not nothing what to write.
7. During the four months look for more prompts. You don’t want to run out. Jot down questions you want to explore through journaling.
8. Just a suggestion, but what about taking your journal and writing at lunch time?  Head to a cafe, grab your favoriate beverage, relax and write.  This is also about finding time for our intention (yourself).
9. Remember this is only for four months. You get to set another intention in four month. Assess how you felt about this one.  Was it worth it? Will you be continuing? 

Here are a few journaling prompts to start you off:

What did you love to do as a child?

What would you tell your younger self?

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

What does blue or red or yellow represent to you?

Favorite book and why?

What is your favorite holiday and why?

Ocean or lake? Beach or mountain vacation?

What would you like to collect if you had time and money?

Secret fantasy job?

If you came across interesting journaling prompts let us know.  Always good to have a few tucked away!